Fixer-Uppers or Friends?

Fixer -uppers is a trendy concept whereby one purchases a house for a bargain price because it is in need of repairs. This was once done when a young couple could not afford their dream house and put sweat equity into a starter home. Now it is not necessarily done for lack of income, but for choice and upgrades. In the construction world, the plan comes before demolition day.

The word fix as a verb means to mend or correct; to arrange or order.

In our personal friend fixer world, the demolition typically comes first, and then our good intentions flood the scene to ‘help.’ We are ready to mend, correct, envision, or repair the less than ideal dwelling of a hurting friend.

How many of us are fixers in life? Oh yes, we all know them, have been them at one time, and most of them are women… But fixer-upper friends come in both genders and with a variety of toolboxes. Some are first responders – love to be the first one on the scene - and most of these are fix and tell friends…letting everyone know they were there first, and how they fixed you. Some come in hard hats, waiting for the rest of the walls to come crashing in on your world and feed your fear. Then there is the one in the judge’s robe, telling you why your life is a mess and making you feel worse than before.

Of course in the big scheme of things we convince ourselves that we can simply fix! This is almost always done in the context of other people - just fix them and things will get better! After all, we have seen this before, and we know what works! The first myth about that theory is that "if you want to change the direction of your life look with in." Another thing that fixers fail to realize is that they are robbing another person of their life lesson!

Quite often when our intention is to fix, it most often means enable. Band-aiding others boo-boos is best saved for little children who need hugs, kisses, and hope in order to heal – or trained professionals in the trauma unit. You can glue someone's broken household items, tape up a book cover, or patch a bicycle tire, but you can’t patch up someone else’s life!

You can replace the light fixture on the porch for a neighbor but you can't be their light. Mending someone else's fence is only a good idea if you have a hammer and wood - otherwise any interference will likely result in building a wall!

Friends are good listeners, loyal, supportive, trustworthy, and forgiving. They give you space and let you hear your own words. Their tools are a cup of coffee, ears that listen and hearts that do not judge. They give time, companionship or time alone by watching children or cooking a meal in difficult times. Friends offer outstretched arms that hug.

What’s in your toolbox?

...always be the love that you are